i am the disease

I am the disease. Properly explaining a descent into madness isn't easy. Outlining--dates, causes and effects--is simple. 'July 24th, 2012: Subject miscarries Child. Loses last shred of soul.' Straightforward facts. Pinpointing exactly which rogue group of cells in my brain is ravaging my psyche at any given moment or defining the specific demon-toxin acidicly burning away the rare semi-healthy grey matter anomalies still clinging stoic to the walls of my skull or even knowing with certainty which action, word, or thought I carelessly and innocently executed as a child to cause such a decay of normalcy and sanity is almost impossible. I suppose there are those individuals who can look into my basket case and explain to me what All-Knowing Science and good sir Freud have to say on the subject, but unless I, like Sybil, have thirty-odd other consciousnesses who each know a bit more than I do, I cannot honestly say that there is, or ever will be, a rational explanation for what has happened to me. I am the sea. I am calm, for a moment, but the slightest change of wind, the most infinitesimal, facetious variance in the pull of the moon, the otherwise-negligible, molecular shiftings of the core of the earth will send me into storm. I am the fury of nature, the cursed Act of God, the uncontrollable force of rage that lays kingdoms and contintents to waste. I am power beyond reason. I am madness. I am the disease.